No, not yet...40 weeks

Alas...I have neither baby nor brownies to introduce you to just yet.

According to my research, my body is apparently not in a hurry to get the ball rolling.  Oh it's doing this and that - a contraction here, a mucus plug there (so gross, by the way) - but it's all so noncommittal it makes me think it's stalling.  I'm attempting to be a good cheerleader, "you can do it, body!  Let's do this!"  But, you know, pain.  I don't think I'm fooling myself.  And Baby James seems content where he is, even though YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF ROOM, KID.  He has not got the memo.

So I had my weekly visit with the midwife and she finally checked me out internally.  I was dilated to a 3 and 80% effaced as of Monday, for those interested.  Also, that was fun.  I didn't know I could nonchalantly talk about mundane work things with a woman who's up to her elbow in my body, but I can.  Is that a good thing?

And then today I went to have the baby's heartbeat monitored to make sure he's not stressed out and to check fluid levels.  His heart sounds great but my fluid is only just on the safe side of low, so they'll check it again Friday if I haven't delivered by then.

But for now, maternity leave, babeh.

Anyway, I wanted one last shot of my belly, because who knows when it will be like this again.

See my bellybutton?

I still feel a bittersweetness about the end looming near and all that, because I really have loved being pregnant.  But now my back and pelvis have been so sore and achey for the last several weeks that I won't be so sorry for it to be over.  I think that's nature's gracious way of solving the sentimental hangup problem.

In related news, I found this on my doorstep last night:

So I opened it to find this:

Which I unwrapped to find this:

Isn't that Holly just the sweetest dang thing?

Tony was all, "what's that?"  And I told him a blog friend made and sent us a blanket for James.  He thought it was the coolest.  So do I.  I mean, how amazing is it that someone I've never actually met would take the time and energy to knit a whole blanket for my baby?  I love that friendship like that can exist, that I can feel loved by someone in a different country.  I love that people have talents and then use those talents to reach out to others, and that this beautiful Internet makes it so easy for us to connect.  I love blogging.  I think a lot of people think it's silly, but I've made several good friends just through this silly little blog of mine, and that makes it all worth it to me.

Also, I am so impressed with artists and business owners of handmade.  I can't mass produce on any level whatsoever, so the fact that you can buy your own blanket (or other knit thing) from Holly's shop blows me away. 

Have a good week, everyone!

Due Date

Today is April 14th.

Today, this baby is "due".

I bring it up because it's an actual day with a date and everything, but you know, it's still just a guess.  I always promised myself I wouldn't be that person freaked out and impatient because my due date didn't produce a baby.

But it's still a fairly accurate measure of when we can expect this kid to come, so I feel like I should observe it.  Like a one-time holiday.

I had more contractions Wednesday night, but nothing since.  Tony really wanted him to be born on Friday the 13th, but it came and went without so much as a tease.  It's okay though, we still have Tax Day and 4/20 as possible birthdays.

Today I got dressed and went shopping for some last-minute things, like a diaper bag.  And even here at the very end of 9 months, buying a diaper bag still made me feel like an old soccer mom, just a bit.  I had to make a promise to my purse to still take it on dates and things to make myself feel better.

Here's a couple pictures I tried to take of myself, on my due date.  We have a tripod, but posing for a camera on a tripod makes me feel basically completely ridiculous, don't you agree?

I also bought a couple of nursing bras, and like a tard went and took my dang necklace off in the changing room and then straight up forgot it there.  Boo.

Anyway, I found these two pictures on another memory card today.  I took them the day I found out I was pregnant.  Thought I'd leave them here for comparison.  Can you see the mixed emotions?  I can.  I can definitely see the fear, shock, wonder.  Mostly fear, though.  I feel like I've come so far since then, but I still feel all those things.

Wish me luck for when the real party begins!  My next post might be introducing you to someone little.  Or it might be about brownies.  You never know.

Dos Diems

No, I am not flashing you the peace sign; we're not in Japan.

Two days left until my due date.  At the very most I have one week and two days left of my pregnancy before they'll want to induce me, which no matter how you computate it is not a lot of time.  I've been having irregular contractions since yesterday evening, but nothing to call home about.

I feel bittersweet about all this.

Just wanted you to know that.

39 diggity dang weeks

It's official: I am very pregnant.

My fingers, my toes, my bones, my muscles and ligaments and nerves, all they can talk about is how very, very pregnant I am.  I think they've been holding meetings without my knowing, cause they're all starting to do stuff together, in concert, like a really weird, kinda creepy bodily symphony.  My feet and hands have gradually started swelling - there was a traumatic night on Wednesday where Tony very nearly couldn't get my wedding ring off my finger, but finally did (ouch), which triggered my very first experience with actual contractions that hurt and everything.  (But then I went to sleep and they went away.) 

And my hips!  Oh, my hips.  My hips and back.  They'll need a vacation when this is done.

Other things that have changed:

- facial hair.  It's sad, but true.  What do I do?!

- my innie has officially become an outie, making my belly look like a giant boob if I'm wearing the right shirt.

- and yep, boobs.  2 cup sizes later and no one in this house is complaining.

Speaking of not complaining, I'm very grateful to have been pregnant through the winter and not the summer, but that doesn't make it easier to see all the cute spring lines of maternity clothes I won't be wearing.  Also, I am a fool for not having discovered the maternity section of H&M sooner.  Also also, nursing tank tops are my new best friend, but I will be very happy to just wear normal clothes again.  These stretchy-waist jeans have done me fine, but my inner fashion lover has cabin fever big time.  It's a rule that all brand new moms get to go shopping without having to justify any purchases to their husbands, right?

In other news, who needs a donut?  Me.  I do.  I was trying to get you to say me.

38 WEEKS

Today I have the energy level of a potted plant. 

There really isn't much of anything new to report.  Except lots of really sharp crampy pains at my thigh/hip ligament region.  I have no idea if that's normal or not.  According to the midwife my belly grows about an inch a week, but I haven't noticed getting any bigger.  Last night I woke up 3 times to pee which may have been a personal record. 

Also last night I spent the night at my mom's house, because we had a bit of a drainage problem with our plumbing, so we had to snake our pipes and then pour some vicious chemicals down the drains.  I don't think I've ever panicked so much as when I noticed our bathtub filling up with nasty black water when I ran the washing machine.

Also this morning we had an exterminator drop by to spray for ants and spiders, because our house was built in the mid-1940s and is apparently a really cool place to hang out in the bug world.  Last summer we had an infuriating ant problem in our kitchen, a repeat of which I've been dreading all year.  Especially with a baby coming, you know?  Hordes of ants is the last thing I want to deal with, so of course the first place they pop up this year?  In the baby's room.  Like, all over his crib and junk. 

Seriously, who do those ants think they are? 

So, with hope, the extermination will work and I won't have to wake up to a baby covered in bugs.

Little Girl and I had lunch with Tony today, and then we went fun shopping because I heard about this Almost Lipstick stuff by Clinique.  Have you heard of it?

It's sheer and lightweight, which is perfect for me because I hate wearing lipstick but I've been wanting some color.  I got it in Tender Honey, but I think I might go back for Black Honey someday for when I want to look even fancier.

Also, earrings.

Way too dangly for working with a 1-year-old, but sometimes you just need really glamorous earrings, you know?  Plus they were on sale.  So, that.

Anyway, I hope you are all having a lovely Spring day and that your pipes are flowing smoothly.

Dang those things are expensive.

I don't need to be blogging right now, but why not?

Not quite 38 weeks.
Basically I just wanted to show off the dress I got at the thrift store yesterday.

Oooh don't I sound like a blogger when I talk about thrifting.  Well whatever.  It's a pretty dress and it cost me 2 bucks; for that I guess I can suffer being grouped as a trend follower.

Things are getting surreal over here.  Last night Tony and I went and bought the car seat, the stroller, and the diaper genie.  And with those things sitting on our floor it's starting to feel more like real life and a little less dreamy.  Which is good, because I hate to be disillusioned.  I want real life.

Another real life moment in the store as we were madly inspecting every aspect of all the strollers and car seats - hefting them and folding them and unfolding them and comparing this price with that maneuverability and so forth - and I suddenly found myself standing back watching the boy I married seriously consider the huge double stroller he was pushing around, and I was thinking how he's going to be a daddy soon, and it's just so weird.  I mean, this is the guy who built Lego models with me on our first date and who wouldn't let me wear flip flops while riding on the back of his motorcycle and who's idea it was to start a tradition of getting take-out from Crown Burger after we pick our Christmas Tree the day after Thanksgiving, and holy crap isn't he just the perfect person to be the father of my children?

I know this is all sappy "mom" stuff to say and not "cool girlfriend-turned-wife" stuff, but I guess that's what happens when the girlfriend/wife turns into a mom.


Buuuut I just love that boy and I'm glad I picked him, and that he let me.

More Pre-Mama Thoughts

I feel like the calm before the storm.

Not me in particular, maybe, but things in general.

Things don't have much choice at this point other than to continue plodding along the way they've always done, even though there are big changes just around the corner.  We can't force the change, can't rush it; it must happen when it happens.  Until it does, things must be relatively normal.  I find myself equal parts excited and anxious, happy and fearful.  I'm trying to enjoy the present without wandering into the territory of resenting change.  It's a tricky balance, sometimes.  I'm trying to embrace the future without losing my sense of now.  All of this inside my head.  I have no idea what I look like on the outside.

This morning, still in bed, after good morning/goodbye kisses from Tony, I hit the snooze on my alarm several times so I could keep lying there thinking about how in the world I will manage a newborn and a 1-year-old.  All the mamas/caregivers of multiples out there are probably rolling their eyes and chuckling knowingly.  Even I have been a caregiver of multiple children, and yet the thought of having to balance my own little new baby and these other people's kid suddenly has my stomach in knots.  I don't know if I'll do a good enough job.  Will I be able to take good enough care of one while worrying about the other?  Will I live up to everyone's standards?  Even when doing my best, will I get to keep my job?  While lying in bed this morning I had nightmares of having to leave our little red house and moving into grungy apartments, and the stress of truly undesirable change.

And before those thoughts overwhelm me, I forced myself to remember my belief that Heavenly Father has a plan, and maybe even if that plan involves things I really don't want to do it's still a plan, and as long as there's a plan I can be okay with things.  Seriously, doesn't the presence of a plan automatically make things better?

And I'm a really lucky girl.  Like, amazingly fantastically wonderfully lucky.  I have blessings coming out my ears.  I have a husband, a house, a car, we have jobs, we're about to meet our little boy, and for the moment things look like they're going to keep on staying that way.   I really don't have anything to complain about, and hardly any worries.  I know other people are dealing with stuff that would make my head crack open.  It's humbling to know that my challenges are small, and maybe they're small because I'm not strong enough to handle more, and maybe one day I will be strong enough to have to deal with truly gigantic challenges.  My hat if I wore one is off to those of you who are having to deal with real things.

Anyway, I didn't know all of this was on my mind until I started writing about it.  There are lots of good things on my mind too.  Like how much fun we're going to have with this boy.  Like how I'm eagerly awaiting the moment I hear other parents talk about, when they say they can't imagine what life was like Before.  I can't wait to see how his personality blends into ours, what new family jokes we'll have, what traditions we'll form, what crazy memories we'll laugh about someday.  I can't wait to find out what movies he likes and what songs he'll want played over and over again.  What he'll be into.  I already know I have a patience problem so I bet it'll be hard to take things one day at a time, but there are just so many thoughts and emotions and joys and fears wrapped around the bundle of baby in my belly.  Poor little guy doesn't even know it.  I'm a shook up soda can and he has no idea that he has no idea about anything.  Funny how the same point on different timelines can be so hugely unalike.

The other thing I can't wait for?  A new pair of jeans.  Well-fitting, non-maternity, genuine cute jeans.  Also, regaining the ability to shave my legs.

37 WEEKS

You know, next time around maybe I'll make some kind of effort towards taking quality pictures.  Maybe.

So now I'm 37 weeks, officially "full-term", which means this baby could come any time and no one in the medical profession would bat an eye.  My eyes would be batting, quite a lot, but they will be doing that probably no matter when this baby decides to come.

Actually that's interesting, because I've been getting the distinct impression that this baby is ready, and coming out won't really be his decision.  Unless maybe it goes on WAY too long and then he'll be like "seriously woman, it's time."  Because I feel like it's my body that's making these decisions.  My body is the one that's not quite ready yet.  My body is the one that's busy pulling levers and calibrating settings and greasing the hinges.  The cargo is just fine chilling out in the docking bay until systems are go.

I could be wrong, but that's how I feel.  I don't think this kid is coming early. Which is good, because we still don't have a carseat.

I've been getting lots of leg cramps way up high in my thigh-hip joints, lots of twinges in the neighborhood of my cervix which I think is courtesy of his big ol' head.  I've been a slave to the bottle (of grape juice) lately, which usually makes him really interested in seeing how far and fast he can stretch his limbs.  Other than that, though, he's still pretty calm.  Sometimes I don't feel anything for hours.  Other times it's just gentle undulations and wriggles.

Right this minute he's fidgeting around.  I can't believe there's a full-term baby just under my skin.

So I still haven't taken pictures of the minor changes in the baby room, or of the amazingly sweet gifts I've been given so far.  But I do have a picture from my baby shower on saturday along with a picture of our dog house.

It's difficult to tell, but in the first picture I'm holding a motorcycle made out of baby things, courtesy of my awesome Aunt.  And behind me are, left to right, the quilt my mom and I made together (my first quilt!) and the quilt made by one of my sisters-in-law.  Hers is fantastically snuggly soft and matches the colors in his room perfectly.  More pictures on all of that to come.

And the dog house, because, I looked out the window the other day and saw the branch of blooming blossoms over the grungy house and thought it was too pretty not to snap a photo of.  Blossoms are showing up all over everywhere, and even though it's almost April I'm still shocked that spring is here.  I think it's because I'm still waiting for winter to happen.  Seriously, where did our winter go?  My tulips are already blooming and we actually need to mow the lawn.  It's a madhouse.

Today I have an appointment with the midwife and I think I get to have an internal exam.  Doesn't that sound lovely?  Is it okay if I don't want to get used to that?

And now for something completely expected

9 Months.

 Not the best pictures of my life - maybe someday I'll take a picture with my head involved? - but they'll have to do because now I am officially a 9 month pregnant woman.  9 months!!?!  Why am I surprised by this??!?

Now I'm on weekly midwife appointments and labor watch, only not really that last one.  First timers, the good doctor told me, usually don't deliver before their due date, but I'm sure there are dames out there who can roll their eyes and say "pffft" before I even finish this sentence.  Isn't the individuality of earthly experience a wonderful thing?

I had Baby Shower #1 on Saturday and have some awesome things to show you which I have not yet photographed, but will.  Also, furniture!  So many things to show you.  Also, I need help decorating my house.  Pleeeaase help me!

Anyways, I had plans tonight to go to my mom's to work on the quilt we're making, but after a grueling grocery run to Wal-Mart which made my lower back just give up and fall completely off I've decided to stay home, take a steamy shower, and then paint my nails a fetching shade of blue I picked up earlier.  Pampering one's self, you know.

So I hope you all have a lovely evening as well.  Turn off the tv, especially if you're watching Alcatraz because you simply don't need to be sad about serial killers tonight, and paint yo dang nails.

Windy days and Tuesdays (35 WEEKS)

As a person who heavily relies on counting by fives, 35 is a significant number.  Especially in relation to 40.

35 is what I am.  (Weeks, that is.)

I mean, ridiculous, right??

Today I hurt everywhere, if everywhere were my back.

But a new concern has popped up!  Well, not really new, but I'm realizing that soon we're going to have to deal with being "the friends with kids."  A kid, at least.  And I'm just not sure if we're going to be cool anymore.  (Note: invalid point.  We are not currently cool.)

And it's not like we're super social and hang out with tons of people all the time and now we're going to have to redefine our social lives.  But I am concerned with what our weekly pen-and-paper nerdy game group are going to think about having troll battles punctuated by baby cries.  We're probably going to have to make little dude his own character to justify him being there.  Or at least make him feel like part of the group?  It's always a little nerve-wracking for first timers.

Anyway.  It's windy today, which I am not happy about, so we've been listening to upbeat music to make it seem a little more sunny in here.  Which is why this happened.  I'm really sorry.  Also, I don't know how to use iMovie.

34 WEEKS

Yes, I may have worn a stripey shirt because I wanted to look bigger for picture day.  Contour lines, you know.  Don't judge me.

Tony calls this my Waldo shirt.  And I don't really have a counter-argument for that.


Anyway, I think it's time to break out the listiness again, so here are things I want to remember about 34 weeks:

- I could never really picture what kind of hurt true rib kicks would hurt like.  Now I can picture it really well.  (Turns out it's like getting kicked in the ribs, but from the inside.)

- I love my belly.  I don't know how to explain it without sounding weird.  I just like it.  It makes me feel feminine and strong; I'm a little sad that it won't be here for much longer.  And still no stretch marks (but let's not talk about the boobs, okay?  That's still a sore subject.)

- You are head down!  I'm still just really happy about that.

- I am all kinds of uncomfortable.  My back hurts all the time, it's suddenly really hard to stand up or bend down, doing anything at all gives me heartburn, I'm exhausted but still don't want to stop doing things.  And even still, I love being pregnant.

- Still no weird cravings, except for the past couple weeks I cannot stop thinking about grape juice.  I want to drink it all the time.

- You move a lot.  Especially right at bedtime and in the middle of the night.  Sometimes I feel like my stomach is boiling, but you know, in a not excruciating way.

- Also, lots of Braxton Hicks.

- You feel more and less real all at the same time, the closer you get.  I've come as close to seeing your face almost as is technologically possible, I feel almost all your movements, but I know that I still don't really know you yet.  Of course, will I ever really know you?  You are a real person.  Sometimes the bigness of what you are overwhelms me.

- OH, the emotions.  The last few days I've been a little rollercoaster.  I try really hard not to be too crazy for Tony, but there have been a few times when I just needed to cry for no reason.

- And yet, for some reason I've been able to turn off my super-sensitive emotions enough to really enjoy The Walking Dead.

- I worry I'm not going to get your room done in time.

- I worry a lot about labor and delivery.

- Even with the extra stressors lately, Tony and I can still laugh about pretty much anything.  It's probably my favorite thing about us.  I hope we can stay happy and silly even during Newborn Time.

- But on the inside, I'm starting to feel anxious, anxious, anxious.

- And this is unrelated, but Mila Jovovich really grosses me out.


So, that's about it, for now.  My brain is all over the place these days.  I'm trying to do some content writing for my sister's website and I'm worried that when she sees what I've done so far she'll be like, "um...maybe this was a bad idea."  And I'll be like, "we should get pancakes."

And that's that.

33 WEEKS + umm....what?

First things first.

Here we have a 33 week-ish pregnant belly, which looks a lot like it did at 32 weeks.  I definitely feel like I'm getting bigger, but I don't feel like I look it.  I didn't realize until a week after it happened that I am now officially 8 months pregnant, which ended up being one of those moments where I'm suddenly transported back to the second I first found out I was going to have a baby (and kind of wanted to slap the doctor for not being as dumbfounded as I was) and thinking "how did this happen?!" 

But it did, and I am, and there's nothing I can do about it.  Except make this face.

Actually that's not my "I can't believe I'm 8 months pregnant" face; it's my "I want pad thai so bad I could cry" face.

I didn't even know my face could look like that until I took the picture.

And now, sadly, I must end this enlightening post because a) I really might start crying if I don't eat something, and b) I have actual work to do today.  No darling, do not protest.  Just go.

32 WEEKS

Yes, that's Frodo in the background, unfortunately, and not Faramir.

Looking at this picture, I have to convince myself that it's real.  My brain cannot make the shape of my body make sense -- like when you see a really hugely fat person and can't reconcile how their body relates to itself?  Sorry, that was mean.  But you know you've had that thought before.

Early in my pregnancy one of the things I did to make sure I stayed sane and to make it more real for me was at the beginning of each week I would google how many weeks I was and read about all the things that were going on.  Like how I should expect to feel and what new thing was developing in the baby.  It was something I looked forward to.  It helped measure the time for me when I wasn't showing and couldn't feel the baby move yet.  These days, though, it's been like reading the same week over and over again for weeks now.  "Because of blah and blah you can expect to feel heartburn and back pain!"  Like it's news.  I guess even the websites know that at this point it's basically just a patience game, nothing really exciting until the Big Moment of Doom & Awesomeness.

So Week 32 isn't much different from the last few weeks, except that I'm getting more protusiony and less comfortable.  Plus the mounting anticipation which is becoming just one more entity growing inside me.  Suddenly starting to get really nervous about the hospital, for some reason.  I've never been hospitalized before, so it's probably just fear of the unknown.

In other news, The Two Towers is my least favorite of the movie adaptations.  I'm thinking of rereading the series.  My dad gave us a copy of Man's Search for Meaning for Christmas, and while I'm really interested in it and love that sort of thing to read, it's been a little too intense for my poor, fragile emotions.  I think I'll do better reading about intense things that haven't actually happened to people.

-------------------

P.S.

In case you think I'm content to let my blog design be horrible, rest assured that I am indeed in the midst of a redesign (still.)  I currently lack the mental capacity or desire to try and figure out html junk, and I'm stumped creatively as well.  So, you know, pardon the dust and stupid layout.

DREAMS

I had a dream last night that we had twins.  They were just born (our bishop delivered them via c-section, because in my dreams he's a doctor, apparently.)  They were so tiny, a boy and a girl, and we kept them on the floor by our couch under blankets.  I would pick one up and hold it to my chest, trying to make it feel safe and warm because it was crying, but the thing is no one else cared about these little crying things.  There were a lot of people around, family, but everyone seemed distracted by something else.  I was trying to process my own thoughts about everything.  You know, just having had babies and all.  I tried to explain how my belly kind of missed having them inside, how it felt a little lonely even though I could hold them in my arms.  But there was too much chaos and no one had time to listen.  People just seemed annoyed by it, and it made me sad.

Then I woke up, and was still sad, but glad that we're only having one. 

I don't know, maybe it was my subconscious telling me that my blog readers are sick of hearing about pregnancy junk. 

A few days ago I had another dream that our baby was born (just the one this time), and he was scared, and the only way I could make him feel better was to hold him snuggled into my chest upright.  And I had the thought that maybe he just doesn't like being upside down and that's why he's breech.  I can't really blame him.  I mean, do you like being upside down?  For months? 

I know I missed my 31 week post this week.  I briefly considered getting up just now to take a late belly picture but I've been kinda dizzy all morning so I think I'm just gonna sit here on the couch and not do that. 

Guys, I just really love this baby already.  I know hearing people gush about personal things they're going through gets old quick, but I can't contain myself.  Poor little dude's just here suddenly, relying on me to take care of him, and I know someday I'll get over it and we'll be a normal family, but right now it's just too much.

I think I need hot chocolate.

DING

I got to thinking, just now.
Something sweet Holly said in a comment to yesterday's post (my husband Tony says this a lot too, but you know, I can't link to him.)

Anyway.  She said, in response to my complaints of no energy, that it's okay because I am creating a HUMAN BEING.  Caps-locked and everything!  And maybe for the first time I realized "yeah!  I am!"  I don't know why the lightbulb suddenly dinged on, but you know what?  Our  bodies are amazing.  I am a factory right now, complete with 24-hour workdays and noxious gasses.  I can almost hear swinging hammers and buzzing saws in my ears right now.

I've decided being pregnant is basically the coolest thing ever.  Scary, exhausting, annoying, annoying to other people, thrilling, and cool.

Plus I get to eat like so much food. 

(Which is the best part, come on now.)

30 WEEKS

This week brings us to the nice terrifying number of 30 - nice in its roundness, terrifying in that it means I have a mere 10 weeks to go. 

10 weeks left of (relative) normal.
10 weeks left of (relative) silence.
10 weeks left of life as I've known it for the past 24 years, but especially the last 2.

Only 10 weeks left of it being just the two of us.

My little heart is having a hard time putting up with all of this.  I feel readier than I've ever felt to start being a mommy, but I also feel about as ready as something that is not ready at all.  How am I supposed to handle never going back to just me and Tonyface lounging in our pjs on the couch with nothing on our minds but mac & cheese for dinner?

10 weeks left until, out of nowhere, there is half of me and half of him combined in one new little body who will be living in our house and getting all up in our couch lounging time.  I mean, I KNOW we're going to love him, but it's just the strangest thing ever.

Also - and let's talk about this - only 10 more weeks until I have to push that dude out of me.  I mean, come on!  What are you going to be doing in 10 weeks?  If it's not lying in a hospital in a melted puddle of anxiety, then I think you owe it to your human decency to send me some brownies.  If anyone reading this is currently lying in a puddle of their own childbirth anxiety, give me your address and I will send you brownies.

Speaking of which.  Good Idea or Bad Idea: watching all the baby shows on tv 10 weeks before you're supposed to deliver?  I can't decide.  (What Not To Wear, however, I think we can all agree is a Good Idea.)

Right?

29 WEEKS + STUFF

So this was my belly yesterday.  Note: mirror is still dirty (dad.)  Also, this was me fresh out of the shower without any cute things happening ESPECIALLY a bra.  I considered putting one on and retaking the photo but I was toooo lazy.  Sorry (everyone).

Yesterday was also the day I had an appointment with my midwife, so I got to hear kiddo's heartbeat and they measured my tummy and weighed me and took my blood pressure (but this time there were no approving looks even though my blood pressure is still excellent so it must not be exciting anymore.  Must find new ways to wow the nurses.)  Everything is normal, except the midwife said that the interesting position the baby was in at the ultrasound which I thought was so adorable is actually one of the more difficult breach positions for a baby to get out of.  So last night Tony gave my belly a stern talking to and we're hoping this little buttmunch will turn himself around before they have to cut him out of me.  Kids, she says, with a rueful shake of the head.

In other news, the room is almost (almost!) all painted.  I finally got the baseboards done and now all that's left are the doors and doorjams and maybe I can do the jams tonight.  Jam is a funny word.  But here are some WIP pictures I took before the trim got painted.  There are befores and afters!  The befores are full of me looking stunning in my pjs!  The afters are better!

Before!

 Notice how we had to paint our ceilings.  I cannot stress this enough.  THE CEILINGS ARE THE SAME COLOR AS THE WALLS.  EVERYWHERE!  IN EVERY ROOM!  The rest of the world is not nearly disgusted enough with this as I am.

After!  Only still not finished.

This is a view as you enter from the door.  The wall is so shiny cause I had only just painted it.  For those interested, we did the walls in a satin finish and the trim in semi-gloss.  Can I just say how in love I am with that dark grey accent wall?  There were many doubters on the road to that wall, but I testify they were all converted and now it's a favorite thing to do in our household to stare admiringly at it.  I will never not be amazed at how a change in paint can make all the difference to a thing (or a room).  It's so much brighter and cheerier in there now that the grey/green/brown is gone.  I can't wait to finally start getting things organized and bring in all the other colors I want.  

And I know that this baby doesn't give a darn what his room looks like.  This is all for me.  But my main goal is to create a place that is peaceful where we can all feel comfortable together.  That's my goal for the whole house, and it's been slow in coming, but I think with the grease of our elbows we can pull it off.

But really, I love that wall.  I probably need to buy something sultry to wear to match it.

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7 MONTHS

 

28 weeks - 7 months - pregnant today.  

(Actually, I don't know why I count on Mondays because my due date is a Saturday.)  (But honestly, I don't put a lot of stock in the actual due date.  Cause who really knows, you know.)

We had your second ultrasound today, and while we were able to confirm your boyness pretty thoroughly, you were a shy guy and hid your face.  With all of your limbs, at the same time.  You had your butt by my hips and your head in my ribs, with your hands holding onto your feet and your feet up by your forehead.  Like, I don't even know how you did that.  But it was adorable and we laughed through almost the whole appointment.  And then the technician showed us your feet and said it looks like you have high arches, which made us laugh more because I'm really sorry you have my feet.

I guess we'll just have to wait to see your little face.

I was thinking today, as the little girl I nanny for had to be content with me while her daddy was pretending to be busy but was really just busy not spending time with her, that I don't ever want to do that to you.  I want you to be absolutely sure that we are a family - you, your dad, and I, plus whoever comes next - and we are most important to each other. 

2 1/2 more months!  Holy crap!

27 Weeks

This should've been done on Monday, but, you know.

Because, baby, on Monday, I was 27 weeks pregnant with you.  And yes, I watch all the baby shows on TLC when I'm at work.

I think to myself a lot these days, "Self, I like it that we're pregnant."  I like it a lot.  I tell my dear sweet husband how I think I'm going to miss being pregnant - always with the adendum that there's still 3 months to go and maybe I'll eat those words week 39.

Not that I'm not excited for you to be on the outside of my body, so I can see you and hear you and smell you and wrap you in blankets and snuggle with you, because oh my goodness I am!  But I really love this time right now when you are closer to me than you ever will be again, and you are more protected than I will ever be able to make you again.  I don't see myself as the Mama Bear type - at least not yet - but there is something satisfying about knowing that anything that happens to you must first happen to me.

So here's a few things I want to remember about 27 weeks:

- You move.  You roll and nudge and spasm, but it's never frantic.  The energy I feel from you is measured, thoughtful, quiet.  Like your dad.

- I love feeling you move.

- You love kicking me in the bladder, but only when it's full.

- You stop moving as soon as someone pays attention to you.  I don't even know how you know; all I do is look down to where you are, and you stop.    I think you like to be alone.  You are also like your dad in this.

- We have the most fun when we get to watch you push against the outside of my tummy, like an alien.

- I have the worst heartburn of my life.

- And back pain.

- I had a dream the other night that I gave birth to you, and you had a gigantic head, but the delivery was so easy.  I didn't even push.  I know it's not going to be like that, but it was a nice dream.

- But seriously, the dreams!  I have the weirdest dreams now.

- I'm worried I'm ruining you for healthy food because all I want is sugar.  I try to eat the good stuff too, but I can't stop thinking about glazed donuts.

- Our doctor visits are always smooth and perfect.  I impress the midwife very much with my blood pressure, on account of all the approvingly raised eyebrows I get every time she takes it.  You are measuring perfectly.  I've gained 15 pounds.

- Grandma C got you your first toy: a stuffed giraffe that plays the ABCs, and I held it to my belly and you squirmed a little.

- Lately  sometimes the first thing your dad says when he sees me after work is "Hey there prego!" which means I'm looking especially pregnant that day.  It feels good to finally be obviously pregnant.  No belly rubs from strangers yet, though (thankfully.)

- I just found out that I'm going to have to take more of an unpaid maternity leave than I was expecting, which was stressful.  But there hasn't been too much stress otherwise.  I'm trying to keep things pretty chill for you.

- Your cousin Ryan was born a few days ago.  I hope you guys will be buds.

- I hope you like your room.  It's very peaceful in there since we painted it, and sometimes I just stand in the middle of it with the light streaming in from the windows and feel calm and imagine everything ready for you.  (The house is so not ready for you yet!)

- Dad and I talk about you all the time.  We worry that you won't like us.  We think it will be weird to have someone call us Mom and Dad, eventually.  We know it will be stressful and exhausting having a baby waking us up all night, but I don't think we think about it too much because we know it will be unlike anything we expect anyway.

- We bought our first pack of diapers last week.  Those bad boys are expensive!

- We really hope you're a good breastfeeder, because formula is ridiculously expensive.

- I can't believe how big you supposedly are right now.  I still imagine you as a tiny little fetus sometimes.  Your dad says he always pictures you as a toddler.  I can't wait for you to be a toddler!

- Everybody loves you.  You have no idea how loved you already are.  At Christmas, your Chico family talked about you like you were already here.  You will always have a lot of family, and I hope you grow up to love and appreciate them, because family is everything.  Family is where it's at, little dude.

- (P.S. We really hope you are actually a boy.)  (But we'll love you just the same if you turn out a lady.)

- I'm starting to get nervous about labor and delivery.  My plan is for a drug-induced mostly painless experience, but I'm trying to prepare myself for when things don't go to plan.  Just as long as we're healthy.

Well, I think that's a pretty exhaustive list.  I want to remember everything.  I'm so grateful to have had such an easy, smooth pregnancy so far; I know a lot of women don't get that blessing so I know I'm lucky.  I'm also grateful for my totally easy-going husband, who has not freaked out even once and probably won't ever, who is happy and excited about being a dad, and who is supportive and sweet and loves my new big boobs.  How can a girl be so lucky.

And we're back.

You guys!  I have a computer again!  I am officially ditching the smartphone because the small screen and I are not best buds.  I also hate that smartphones are just so accessible.  I find myself using it but not really doing anything, just cause it was sitting there, and then I keep sitting there wasting time on it.  And I hate it when people throw around conditions they probably don't have, like dyslexia or ADD or carpal tunnel, but I'm pretty sure I'm developing carpal tunnel.

So the long and short of it is that Tony found a great deal on a used Macbook and we had some Christmas cash and now I can blog again!  It feels like it's time for a blog makeover so maybe that will come soon.

And I have an announcement that probably all of the people who care who read this blog already know about, but I still feel like announcing it.  Mostly cause I've been blog-MIA through all the exciting parts so far. 

So...

I'm 6 months pregnant!

And the elastic on this dress is way too tight, I'm learning.  Haven't worn it in a while.

I don't know if the people who see things I say on Facebook and Twitter and real life are sick of hearing about my pregnancy or not (I try to not be overwhelming), but I am so excited about and so loving being pregnant, and the impending child.  We weren't actively trying to get pregnant, so at first I was surprised and uncertain.  But now it and donuts are all I think about.  Also, it's a boy.

So I'm going to start getting to work on a fresh new layout and junk.  Happy New Year you crazy kids.