If you can find a point, you win a prize.

My name is Kayla, and I'm having a moment where I feel I should be recording my thoughts and what-not via blog post, but I'm almost 100% positive that whatever it is I'll try to say will end up not being said, on account of my brain and things.  Sometimes there are just too many words and too many possible sentence variations, which makes me want to give up before I start.

Things I would like to do:
- actually redesign the blog so that it looks good
- post lots and lots of pictures all the time
- write cute little stories about my day
- try yet again to put into words how much I love my son
- maybe a post about my freshly painted living room?

Things that I feel my life has no time for:
- all of the above.

I've been getting the feeling lately, in little sneaky snippets, like fairies peeking through bushes, that I'm living a fantastic life.  Fantastically bad, and fantastically wonderful, and all of that all at different times and the same time.  Motherhood has magnified it.  Did you know that my baby giggled when I made a funny sound at him today?  Two and a half months ago he was lying on my stomach taking his first crying breaths, and today he's looking me in the eyes and laughing as we copy each others' sounds.  A year ago he was microscopic.  If that isn't magical then I don't know what.  And my body grew him.  God sent me that little spirit, and my body used materials it had on hand (and borrowed from his daddy) and created a tiny little body and grew it big enough until it could handle itself, and now I can hold it in my arms and it smiles at me.  IT'S MAGICAL, IS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY.

People, for real.  Just feel the love with me.

Also, the sweet little lady from Yugoslavia who lives in the house behind us, who sings and yells at her dog every day while she gardens, sent over the fence a cute little outfit for James.  How she even knew we had a baby, I don't know.  Not only does she know, but she went shopping for him!  Who does that?

Life is cool.


(P.S. Anyone know where a girl can get one of those cute Panama-y straw fedoras I'm seeing all the cute people wear these days?)

Love Letter To My Wedding Ring

Dear Ring,

From the moment my eyes met your sparkly, sparkly diamonds, it was love.  Before you, there were only half-imagined dreams of half-imagined rings; after you, there was only blissful ignorance that any other rings existed.  You filled the baguette-shaped hole in my heart I never knew I had.

These days without you have been lonely.  Lonely like leaving my favorite sweatshirt at a friend's house; lonely like going to eat the last brownie only to remember I already ate it earlier.  My finger feels lost and naked, exposed to the cruel world without your 14 karat embrace.  Curse these prenatal knuckles!  A pox on these slightly fatter fingers!  For they force me to part with my sweet ice, my hard candy, my pavé-set ice rink.

But soon, soon we shall be together again.  You, with your gold re-whitened and your rocks polished.  Me, with my extremities cured of their water retention.  I promise to intend and then forget to take you off before I use lotion, and then I promise take you to the jeweler's to get cleaned bi-annually.  Or at least annually.  You know how it is.

'Til then, my beloved, know that I am feeling uncomfortable without you, and like I'm always forgetting something when leaving rooms.

With undying love and affection,

Me

38 WEEKS

Today I have the energy level of a potted plant. 

There really isn't much of anything new to report.  Except lots of really sharp crampy pains at my thigh/hip ligament region.  I have no idea if that's normal or not.  According to the midwife my belly grows about an inch a week, but I haven't noticed getting any bigger.  Last night I woke up 3 times to pee which may have been a personal record. 

Also last night I spent the night at my mom's house, because we had a bit of a drainage problem with our plumbing, so we had to snake our pipes and then pour some vicious chemicals down the drains.  I don't think I've ever panicked so much as when I noticed our bathtub filling up with nasty black water when I ran the washing machine.

Also this morning we had an exterminator drop by to spray for ants and spiders, because our house was built in the mid-1940s and is apparently a really cool place to hang out in the bug world.  Last summer we had an infuriating ant problem in our kitchen, a repeat of which I've been dreading all year.  Especially with a baby coming, you know?  Hordes of ants is the last thing I want to deal with, so of course the first place they pop up this year?  In the baby's room.  Like, all over his crib and junk. 

Seriously, who do those ants think they are? 

So, with hope, the extermination will work and I won't have to wake up to a baby covered in bugs.

Little Girl and I had lunch with Tony today, and then we went fun shopping because I heard about this Almost Lipstick stuff by Clinique.  Have you heard of it?

It's sheer and lightweight, which is perfect for me because I hate wearing lipstick but I've been wanting some color.  I got it in Tender Honey, but I think I might go back for Black Honey someday for when I want to look even fancier.

Also, earrings.

Way too dangly for working with a 1-year-old, but sometimes you just need really glamorous earrings, you know?  Plus they were on sale.  So, that.

Anyway, I hope you are all having a lovely Spring day and that your pipes are flowing smoothly.

37 WEEKS

You know, next time around maybe I'll make some kind of effort towards taking quality pictures.  Maybe.

So now I'm 37 weeks, officially "full-term", which means this baby could come any time and no one in the medical profession would bat an eye.  My eyes would be batting, quite a lot, but they will be doing that probably no matter when this baby decides to come.

Actually that's interesting, because I've been getting the distinct impression that this baby is ready, and coming out won't really be his decision.  Unless maybe it goes on WAY too long and then he'll be like "seriously woman, it's time."  Because I feel like it's my body that's making these decisions.  My body is the one that's not quite ready yet.  My body is the one that's busy pulling levers and calibrating settings and greasing the hinges.  The cargo is just fine chilling out in the docking bay until systems are go.

I could be wrong, but that's how I feel.  I don't think this kid is coming early. Which is good, because we still don't have a carseat.

I've been getting lots of leg cramps way up high in my thigh-hip joints, lots of twinges in the neighborhood of my cervix which I think is courtesy of his big ol' head.  I've been a slave to the bottle (of grape juice) lately, which usually makes him really interested in seeing how far and fast he can stretch his limbs.  Other than that, though, he's still pretty calm.  Sometimes I don't feel anything for hours.  Other times it's just gentle undulations and wriggles.

Right this minute he's fidgeting around.  I can't believe there's a full-term baby just under my skin.

So I still haven't taken pictures of the minor changes in the baby room, or of the amazingly sweet gifts I've been given so far.  But I do have a picture from my baby shower on saturday along with a picture of our dog house.

It's difficult to tell, but in the first picture I'm holding a motorcycle made out of baby things, courtesy of my awesome Aunt.  And behind me are, left to right, the quilt my mom and I made together (my first quilt!) and the quilt made by one of my sisters-in-law.  Hers is fantastically snuggly soft and matches the colors in his room perfectly.  More pictures on all of that to come.

And the dog house, because, I looked out the window the other day and saw the branch of blooming blossoms over the grungy house and thought it was too pretty not to snap a photo of.  Blossoms are showing up all over everywhere, and even though it's almost April I'm still shocked that spring is here.  I think it's because I'm still waiting for winter to happen.  Seriously, where did our winter go?  My tulips are already blooming and we actually need to mow the lawn.  It's a madhouse.

Today I have an appointment with the midwife and I think I get to have an internal exam.  Doesn't that sound lovely?  Is it okay if I don't want to get used to that?

4 a.m. entertainment

In the spirit of my own mini dancing video a few days ago, I present you with this.  Amusing, yes; but more importantly a priceless catalog of dance moves to add to your repertoire which are sure to please.



When practicing, be sure to do so in front of a video camera.  And then post it, so I can laugh at you.

The Jameses

So the name we've picked for our baby is James.  When people ask us why I unfortunately have to break one of my own rules about life and say "we just liked it."  No deeper meaning, nothing hippieish like I've always prided myself on being (I still have hippie names picked out for girls, though, so ready yourself for those someday.)  We just like it.  It's classic, it's not overly wimpy (Noodle?) or overly tough (Nails?).

And it's not even in honor of some cool person we love.  Well, not a single person, because everyone knows there have been lots of neat Jameses in the world.  Here are some of my favorites.

As you can see, it's an extensive list.  Although I hope my kid does less sex, drugs, and nipple-showing than most of these gentlemen, I think he'll still be in fairly good company.  Also, can you tell I have nothing else to talk about today?

10 points or something if you can name them all.

RUGS AND BUNNIES AND YES, MORE PREGNANCY WHINING

Okay, so, the first half of yesterday was productive.  The second half was spent sitting on my bed, staring into space, trying to muster the energy to get dressed and go to the store.  It's been the frustrating dichotomy of being pregnant: the desire to do more than normal, and the energy level to do much less.  I guess they call it nesting?  I call it an irrational worry that enough things won't get done before the baby comes.  I'm not really worried; I know we'll all survive if his room isn't completely finished by the time he arrives.  But I'm also okay riding the nesting wave and letting it push me to begin and finish projects all in one go.  I find I do best with a deadline, and this is a tactic I'm going to have to use if I ever want to get the rest of my house put together.

Slightly off-topic: I, after like a year of talking about it, bought a whole, new, matching set of sheets in a good color.  This may mean nothing to you, but it's the greatest thing in the world to me.  I might even be sleeping better.

Anyway, I wanted to share some of the fruits of my labors from yesterday morning.  First is the painted chevron rug project I'm doing.  I'm sure most of you have seen some form of this DIY.  This is the one that inspired me, and this is what I have so far:

Practically finished!  Or not.  Most of my time yesterday was spent figuring out how to evenly measure things on a rug that is not even on all sides, which is SO HARD TO DO with pregnancy brain.  So this was my solution: a twine grid measured only with my eyeballs.  I don't have the right kind of tape or else I would be working on it right now, but I plan to mark all the places where the twine crosses and use those to place the points of the chevrons.  Very mathematic and such.  I'm just hoping it doesn't turn out looking too DIY, you know?  I also don't know what color to paint it.  I'm trying to decide between a deep teal and a more rustic yellow-orange.  Thoughts?

A SIDE NOTE ABOUT CHEVRONS: I don't know why I'm jumping on this trend bandwagon.  Let's not call it jumping.  Let's call it lightly touching upon.  Most of you may not know about my innate disdain for trend following for the sake of trend following.  (I disdain it.)  But for some reason I really liked the look of the rug I linked to above and like the bold, graphic detail it will, with hope, add to the nursery I'm designing.  Also, I hate the word nursery.   I don't know why I used it.

But enough about that. 

The other thing I have to share I'm actually a little nervous to share, just cause it's been a while since I've painted something and art is very personal.  But I like the way this painting turned out and I'm excited to have something to put on my baby's wall that came directly from me.

Apologies for the flash glare. 
I tried really hard to not make it too girly, but obviously not very hard because there are a lot of flowers you know.  It's not very big, probably 9x12.  I don't know if I want to get it framed or not, and I'm debating if I want to make a companion painting cause I have another canvas the same size.

So many debates!  It's exhausting being me sometimes.

IT'S SATURDAY AND...

Kitties don't like taking pictures!

P.S. Thank you for putting up with all my photobooth pictures.  I know they're painfully underlit and horrifically unartistic and, most of all, lazy.  And, well, that's all I have to say about that.

On this grey but beautiful Saturday morning we (the cats, the dog, the fetus, and I) are feeling happy and listening to other people's playlists on Grooveshark.  The animals have mostly been laying around purring and snoring in turns, being either very bad or very good examples of what a Saturday should be, depending on your mood.  Today for me they are very bad, because I don't want to lay around all day.  Already I've got my hair curled and the dishes & laundry did, and I'm even almost done with my painting for the kid's room.  (No you can't see it, it's a s'prise.)  In a bit I'm going to get dressed and head to my mom's to use her sewing machine to alter the curtains I just bought.  And then I need to grocery shop!  And plan my lesson for church tomorrow!  Exciting things!

And all this time the littlest one around here has seemed happy exploring the many properties of rib bones (The Verdict: they are hard, and fun to kick, and very good for digging toes into.)

And that's basically it.  I'm getting a lot of body signals that it's time for lunch.  Yay lunch!

(P.P.S. It was the super wonderful Rachael from Lovely and Little's birthday yesterday.  You should go wish her a happy day-after-her-birthday!

BAD FOOT

Today and I got started off on a bad foot.

I just hate it when that happens.  It makes me want to honk at bad drivers and tell my husband he can sleep on the couch.

It makes me want to not be careful when I paint and to drink only hot chocolate all day so I feel even worse tonight.

It makes me want to go someplace really far away and sigh at mountains until my lungs hurt, and then take a nap in the sunshine so I wake up smelling hot and dusty.

But really it just makes me want to find something happy to distract my bad day from happening.

Usually I don't know what that is.  I think it might be tv (it's not tv).  Or baking something yummy.

Usually baking when I'm upset means I leave out things like sugar or baking soda.

Today the answer seems to be gritty blues music and the photos from my one and only album on Flickr.

And tonight I'd like to finish the painting I started yesterday - but only if my bad mood is gone.  Usually painting when I'm upset means the painting never gets finished.

If there was sunshine today, I would lay in it.

Theoretically.

PACING THE PANIC ROOM

I'm sure other people have seen this years before me, as usual, but on the off-chance that there are more poor souls like me who come late to the good stuff here is a ridiculously adorable video by Pacing the Panic Room.  Does this pregnant woman not have delicious style?  I would kill for her hair.

I don't know how to embed Vimeo, so go here to watch the video.

I gave up even before I began on having a cute, comprehensive, put-together system for photographing my own growing belly.  I instinctively knew I would not be able to follow through on a 9-month-long project like that right now (ever?).  Maybe next time?  I've got a few years to train Tony to be a photographer, right?