The Very Best Time-Suck

Can you believe this kid was the one in my tummy this whole time?  I feel like my body was hiding the greatest secret even from myself: I knew he was going to be something wonderful, just not this wonderful.

I'm still not ready to be back all the way yet.  Who knows when that will be.  Thanks for your patience as we adjust to our new normal over here.  I'm trying to get his birth story written out but it's hard to find the time.  Soon I will share my sweet Baby James with all of you.

(It's probably for the best that I'm not forcing myself to get it all out now, because I am simply drenched with hormones, you see.  I wager I'd lose a lot of followers on account of all the weepy mushiness.)

Much love,
Kayla

Guess what...?

I'd like to stay and chat, but I'm a little preoccupied.

Just wanted to say hi and let you know that we're all really happy over here.

Be back soon.

No, not yet...40 weeks

Alas...I have neither baby nor brownies to introduce you to just yet.

According to my research, my body is apparently not in a hurry to get the ball rolling.  Oh it's doing this and that - a contraction here, a mucus plug there (so gross, by the way) - but it's all so noncommittal it makes me think it's stalling.  I'm attempting to be a good cheerleader, "you can do it, body!  Let's do this!"  But, you know, pain.  I don't think I'm fooling myself.  And Baby James seems content where he is, even though YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF ROOM, KID.  He has not got the memo.

So I had my weekly visit with the midwife and she finally checked me out internally.  I was dilated to a 3 and 80% effaced as of Monday, for those interested.  Also, that was fun.  I didn't know I could nonchalantly talk about mundane work things with a woman who's up to her elbow in my body, but I can.  Is that a good thing?

And then today I went to have the baby's heartbeat monitored to make sure he's not stressed out and to check fluid levels.  His heart sounds great but my fluid is only just on the safe side of low, so they'll check it again Friday if I haven't delivered by then.

But for now, maternity leave, babeh.

Anyway, I wanted one last shot of my belly, because who knows when it will be like this again.

See my bellybutton?

I still feel a bittersweetness about the end looming near and all that, because I really have loved being pregnant.  But now my back and pelvis have been so sore and achey for the last several weeks that I won't be so sorry for it to be over.  I think that's nature's gracious way of solving the sentimental hangup problem.

In related news, I found this on my doorstep last night:

So I opened it to find this:

Which I unwrapped to find this:

Isn't that Holly just the sweetest dang thing?

Tony was all, "what's that?"  And I told him a blog friend made and sent us a blanket for James.  He thought it was the coolest.  So do I.  I mean, how amazing is it that someone I've never actually met would take the time and energy to knit a whole blanket for my baby?  I love that friendship like that can exist, that I can feel loved by someone in a different country.  I love that people have talents and then use those talents to reach out to others, and that this beautiful Internet makes it so easy for us to connect.  I love blogging.  I think a lot of people think it's silly, but I've made several good friends just through this silly little blog of mine, and that makes it all worth it to me.

Also, I am so impressed with artists and business owners of handmade.  I can't mass produce on any level whatsoever, so the fact that you can buy your own blanket (or other knit thing) from Holly's shop blows me away. 

Have a good week, everyone!

Due Date

Today is April 14th.

Today, this baby is "due".

I bring it up because it's an actual day with a date and everything, but you know, it's still just a guess.  I always promised myself I wouldn't be that person freaked out and impatient because my due date didn't produce a baby.

But it's still a fairly accurate measure of when we can expect this kid to come, so I feel like I should observe it.  Like a one-time holiday.

I had more contractions Wednesday night, but nothing since.  Tony really wanted him to be born on Friday the 13th, but it came and went without so much as a tease.  It's okay though, we still have Tax Day and 4/20 as possible birthdays.

Today I got dressed and went shopping for some last-minute things, like a diaper bag.  And even here at the very end of 9 months, buying a diaper bag still made me feel like an old soccer mom, just a bit.  I had to make a promise to my purse to still take it on dates and things to make myself feel better.

Here's a couple pictures I tried to take of myself, on my due date.  We have a tripod, but posing for a camera on a tripod makes me feel basically completely ridiculous, don't you agree?

I also bought a couple of nursing bras, and like a tard went and took my dang necklace off in the changing room and then straight up forgot it there.  Boo.

Anyway, I found these two pictures on another memory card today.  I took them the day I found out I was pregnant.  Thought I'd leave them here for comparison.  Can you see the mixed emotions?  I can.  I can definitely see the fear, shock, wonder.  Mostly fear, though.  I feel like I've come so far since then, but I still feel all those things.

Wish me luck for when the real party begins!  My next post might be introducing you to someone little.  Or it might be about brownies.  You never know.

Love Letter To My Wedding Ring

Dear Ring,

From the moment my eyes met your sparkly, sparkly diamonds, it was love.  Before you, there were only half-imagined dreams of half-imagined rings; after you, there was only blissful ignorance that any other rings existed.  You filled the baguette-shaped hole in my heart I never knew I had.

These days without you have been lonely.  Lonely like leaving my favorite sweatshirt at a friend's house; lonely like going to eat the last brownie only to remember I already ate it earlier.  My finger feels lost and naked, exposed to the cruel world without your 14 karat embrace.  Curse these prenatal knuckles!  A pox on these slightly fatter fingers!  For they force me to part with my sweet ice, my hard candy, my pavé-set ice rink.

But soon, soon we shall be together again.  You, with your gold re-whitened and your rocks polished.  Me, with my extremities cured of their water retention.  I promise to intend and then forget to take you off before I use lotion, and then I promise take you to the jeweler's to get cleaned bi-annually.  Or at least annually.  You know how it is.

'Til then, my beloved, know that I am feeling uncomfortable without you, and like I'm always forgetting something when leaving rooms.

With undying love and affection,

Me

Dos Diems

No, I am not flashing you the peace sign; we're not in Japan.

Two days left until my due date.  At the very most I have one week and two days left of my pregnancy before they'll want to induce me, which no matter how you computate it is not a lot of time.  I've been having irregular contractions since yesterday evening, but nothing to call home about.

I feel bittersweet about all this.

Just wanted you to know that.

39 diggity dang weeks

It's official: I am very pregnant.

My fingers, my toes, my bones, my muscles and ligaments and nerves, all they can talk about is how very, very pregnant I am.  I think they've been holding meetings without my knowing, cause they're all starting to do stuff together, in concert, like a really weird, kinda creepy bodily symphony.  My feet and hands have gradually started swelling - there was a traumatic night on Wednesday where Tony very nearly couldn't get my wedding ring off my finger, but finally did (ouch), which triggered my very first experience with actual contractions that hurt and everything.  (But then I went to sleep and they went away.) 

And my hips!  Oh, my hips.  My hips and back.  They'll need a vacation when this is done.

Other things that have changed:

- facial hair.  It's sad, but true.  What do I do?!

- my innie has officially become an outie, making my belly look like a giant boob if I'm wearing the right shirt.

- and yep, boobs.  2 cup sizes later and no one in this house is complaining.

Speaking of not complaining, I'm very grateful to have been pregnant through the winter and not the summer, but that doesn't make it easier to see all the cute spring lines of maternity clothes I won't be wearing.  Also, I am a fool for not having discovered the maternity section of H&M sooner.  Also also, nursing tank tops are my new best friend, but I will be very happy to just wear normal clothes again.  These stretchy-waist jeans have done me fine, but my inner fashion lover has cabin fever big time.  It's a rule that all brand new moms get to go shopping without having to justify any purchases to their husbands, right?

In other news, who needs a donut?  Me.  I do.  I was trying to get you to say me.