Monday, December 24, 2012

8 stinkin months already

Right now James is screaming in his crib, overtired and furious about it.  Screaming is his new favorite thing.  Really loud, all of a sudden, with his body all tensed up.  It's not all angry screaming; usually it's just for fun.  (Mom and dad do not think it's fun.)

Anyway, I'm hoping he'll give up and sleep soon, but it's more likely that I'll give up and go snuggle him to sleep.  In an effort to hold out, I'm distracting myself with this post.  Here are some pictures of a grumpy and hungry and - I think - teething, but still sweet and loved 8 month old.

(Dad popped in to say hi for a second.)

This face makes me laugh.

It's getting really difficult to take these full-body shots now.  He's just too big.

I almost didn't include this picture, but I loved how the camera focused just on his two little teeth.

He's crawling now!  And these last two shots make me smile.  I was trying to be cute and get both of us, but he wanted to eat my face.

We are so excited for our first Christmas with Jamesy Boy - the space under our tree is literally packed with presents from grandparents, which if it's any indication of how future years will be makes me a little concerned about how I'm going to teach the true meaning of Christmas, but I guess for this year it's okay to go crazy.

As I mentioned above, James started crawling just a few days ago.  My pride knows no bounds.  He's been getting up on his hands and knees since forever it seems like, and trying and trying to figure out how to move on them, and he finally figured it out and it's just the coolest.  I love watching him try to coordinate his limbs and scramble forward.  It's not what I would call graceful - he kindof looks like a drunk or injured spider - but it is adorable.

Well, I know for sure that I won't do any special blogging for Christmas, so I'll just wish y'all a merry one right now.  Do not skimp on the cookies and such.


Edited to add:  I gave up, and James spent a peaceful night in the prime real estate of our bed.  Merry Christmas, little buddy.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The Life Blues

I'm sitting here at work, next to the big window-doors leading onto the back balcony and everything's covered in snow.  Both my babies are sleeping (even though the bigger one can hardly be called a baby anymore.)  Kung Fu Panda 2 is playing in the background and I don't know why I haven't turned it off already.  I've been a little depressed.  I don't know why.  Probably it's a combination of things: lack of sleep, the setting in of Winter, postpartum hormones.  Actually my period just came back today for the first time in over a year without any warning, so I suspect that has something to do with it.  (So no, mom, I'm not pregnant again!)

I've danced with depression before and this hasn't been too bad, compared to other depressions.  I'm sure none of my depressions have been too bad compared to some other people's.  But I've been taking it slow, trying not to worry it too much.  Trying to coax it softly to see what it's all about.  I'm not usually a high-energy person anyway, and lately I'm even less so.  That part I can confidently attribute to lack of sleep.  All I want to do is curl up in blankets and watch all kinds of movies and eat things that aren't good for me.  Like cookies?  Hello.  Being at work is hard, even though it seems like it shouldn't be.  I do get to be in a comfortable house all day; I don't have to be on my feet or be in front of a desk doing not-fun computer things, like some of you.  But it's not my home.  It's not my food or my couch or my smells.  It's not James' crib or his toys.  It's not our neighborhood and our backyard.  I so envy you stay-at-home-moms.  Even though I know staying at home would come with it's own set of monotony and things to complain about, I can't help but want it.

Wishing for what you don't currently have is such a trap, isn't it?  Right now I also wish it were Summer; that we could go outside and be warm, and take ourselves to the park and stretch out on blankets in the shade in balmy blissfulness.  That sounds nice.  But it's easy to forget that Summer actually gets really, really hot, and while stretching out in the shade is nice, it can be so tiring loading everything and everyone into the car, and waiting for the A/C to get going.  And heavy, squirmy babies get even heavier and squirmier when you're already hot and sweaty and want to strip off all your clothes and jump into any and all bodies of water you pass, including the gutters full of sprinkler water right in front of your neighbors.  (I haven't done this, and I probably won't.  Don't worry.)

So I'm trying to practice being grateful for what I have, right here, right now.  Even though it's hard.  Even though the depressed, weepy, sullen side of me wants to take James and go home and sit in the warm bathtub and cry and feed myself a whole batch of my mom's amazing gingersnaps until I bloat and fall asleep.  Fortunately I have a moderately healthy awareness of societal norms to prevent me from doing that, but still.

Instead, soon I'll hear my sweet boy crying for me when he wakes up from his nap in the pack-and-play in the basement, and I'll go save him from the torture of involuntarily trying to crawl in his sleep.  And I'll kiss his sweet squishy face and hold his sweet squishy hands and brush his crazy hair out of his eyes.  And with him in my arms it will be easier to remember why it's just too ridiculous to be unhappy.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

7 months!!!

Bonus shot - mechanic hands!

Well finally - FINALLY - my computer's wi-fi worked long enough for me to upload these dang things.  I've been trying since forever when James actually turned 7 months old.  Can we take a moment to shake our heads at newfangled technology that will just never ever work right uphill both ways in the snow all year long?  And how. 

But it's neither here nor there since uploaded they are and God is good and let's move on and talk about my baby.

This month James Wade is just a bigger, shaggier, louder, stronger, rounder, more mobile version of his younger selves.  He still looks like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and he still likes to eat his feet (just from a different angle).  He still holds my hands when he breastfeeds/cuddles/pretty much anything else.  In his short 7 1/2 months of life he already knows that fingers make the best teething toys, shoes are the best distraction in the world (unless it's sacrament meeting and then up is down and the universe doesn't play by normal rules), and family spitting parties first thing in the morning when we're all still in bed are the like the bee's knees, only far more exciting.  Seriously, you haven't lived until you've experienced an early morning family spitting party.  James can teach you how to do it: with your tongue out, it's the only way.

James Wade enjoys: rolling ALL over the living room floor, holding his breath until he squeaks, having his feet and armpits tickled, cheerios, laying down during baths and kicking his feet so mom gets all wet, smiling at whoever sits behind us in church, crying when there's too many people around, crying when anyone wearing a hat or a beard are around, and getting himself into all manner of strange positions during naps.

James Wade hates: putting his arms into sleeves, not being allowed to chew on diapers, not being allowed to chew on highchair strap buckles during lunch, being cold after baths, having to fall asleep by himself about every 3rd nap, and hitting his head on hard things.

He usually sleeps through the night right after I say he doesn't, and stops right after I say he does.  He thinks mom is WAY funnier than dad (citation needed).  He has two whole teeth.  He eats all manner of fruits and vegetables, and his first Thanksgiving was a success because he and Mashed Potatoes met and are friends.  He can make your heart melt right out of your chest if he falls asleep on you, and I recommend letting him suck on your face when the mood strikes him because the window of it being cute and not creepy for someone to suck on your face is extremely narrow.

As for me, I'm getting much better at not crying when he outgrows a clothing size, or when I look at his newborn pictures.  Actually, his newborn pictures are even sweeter now that I know something of his personality.  Being a mom feels like slowly opening a really fantastic present - so slow that I still don't know what it all is yet.  It's also a little like being in a horror movie, because of all the fear and worrying I have to force myself to not indulge.  I mean, you don't realize how thin a barrier bedroom walls are between the safety of your home and the evilness of the outside world until your most precious thing is sleeping all the way in the next room.  I mean, I know the whole world isn't evil and that it's just a mom thing to worry, but I've never felt so very vulnerable before.  Being a mom is the very definition of taking the bad with the good.

So anyway.  That's the boy this month.  I apologize for not being a better blogger and actually writing more posts.  I actually think of things that I want to write about all the time, but it always seems that when I do have a moment there's always something else I'd rather do instead, even if it's just be on the couch and do nothing.  Can I get an amen for doing nothing!  I'm still planning a blog design overhaul (Rachael, I'm a bad client) and my hope is that maybe a well-designed space will make me want to use it more.  It's a nice theory, anyway.