The Very Best Time-Suck

Can you believe this kid was the one in my tummy this whole time?  I feel like my body was hiding the greatest secret even from myself: I knew he was going to be something wonderful, just not this wonderful.

I'm still not ready to be back all the way yet.  Who knows when that will be.  Thanks for your patience as we adjust to our new normal over here.  I'm trying to get his birth story written out but it's hard to find the time.  Soon I will share my sweet Baby James with all of you.

(It's probably for the best that I'm not forcing myself to get it all out now, because I am simply drenched with hormones, you see.  I wager I'd lose a lot of followers on account of all the weepy mushiness.)

Much love,
Kayla

Guess what...?

I'd like to stay and chat, but I'm a little preoccupied.

Just wanted to say hi and let you know that we're all really happy over here.

Be back soon.

No, not yet...40 weeks

Alas...I have neither baby nor brownies to introduce you to just yet.

According to my research, my body is apparently not in a hurry to get the ball rolling.  Oh it's doing this and that - a contraction here, a mucus plug there (so gross, by the way) - but it's all so noncommittal it makes me think it's stalling.  I'm attempting to be a good cheerleader, "you can do it, body!  Let's do this!"  But, you know, pain.  I don't think I'm fooling myself.  And Baby James seems content where he is, even though YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF ROOM, KID.  He has not got the memo.

So I had my weekly visit with the midwife and she finally checked me out internally.  I was dilated to a 3 and 80% effaced as of Monday, for those interested.  Also, that was fun.  I didn't know I could nonchalantly talk about mundane work things with a woman who's up to her elbow in my body, but I can.  Is that a good thing?

And then today I went to have the baby's heartbeat monitored to make sure he's not stressed out and to check fluid levels.  His heart sounds great but my fluid is only just on the safe side of low, so they'll check it again Friday if I haven't delivered by then.

But for now, maternity leave, babeh.

Anyway, I wanted one last shot of my belly, because who knows when it will be like this again.

See my bellybutton?

I still feel a bittersweetness about the end looming near and all that, because I really have loved being pregnant.  But now my back and pelvis have been so sore and achey for the last several weeks that I won't be so sorry for it to be over.  I think that's nature's gracious way of solving the sentimental hangup problem.

In related news, I found this on my doorstep last night:

So I opened it to find this:

Which I unwrapped to find this:

Isn't that Holly just the sweetest dang thing?

Tony was all, "what's that?"  And I told him a blog friend made and sent us a blanket for James.  He thought it was the coolest.  So do I.  I mean, how amazing is it that someone I've never actually met would take the time and energy to knit a whole blanket for my baby?  I love that friendship like that can exist, that I can feel loved by someone in a different country.  I love that people have talents and then use those talents to reach out to others, and that this beautiful Internet makes it so easy for us to connect.  I love blogging.  I think a lot of people think it's silly, but I've made several good friends just through this silly little blog of mine, and that makes it all worth it to me.

Also, I am so impressed with artists and business owners of handmade.  I can't mass produce on any level whatsoever, so the fact that you can buy your own blanket (or other knit thing) from Holly's shop blows me away. 

Have a good week, everyone!

Due Date

Today is April 14th.

Today, this baby is "due".

I bring it up because it's an actual day with a date and everything, but you know, it's still just a guess.  I always promised myself I wouldn't be that person freaked out and impatient because my due date didn't produce a baby.

But it's still a fairly accurate measure of when we can expect this kid to come, so I feel like I should observe it.  Like a one-time holiday.

I had more contractions Wednesday night, but nothing since.  Tony really wanted him to be born on Friday the 13th, but it came and went without so much as a tease.  It's okay though, we still have Tax Day and 4/20 as possible birthdays.

Today I got dressed and went shopping for some last-minute things, like a diaper bag.  And even here at the very end of 9 months, buying a diaper bag still made me feel like an old soccer mom, just a bit.  I had to make a promise to my purse to still take it on dates and things to make myself feel better.

Here's a couple pictures I tried to take of myself, on my due date.  We have a tripod, but posing for a camera on a tripod makes me feel basically completely ridiculous, don't you agree?

I also bought a couple of nursing bras, and like a tard went and took my dang necklace off in the changing room and then straight up forgot it there.  Boo.

Anyway, I found these two pictures on another memory card today.  I took them the day I found out I was pregnant.  Thought I'd leave them here for comparison.  Can you see the mixed emotions?  I can.  I can definitely see the fear, shock, wonder.  Mostly fear, though.  I feel like I've come so far since then, but I still feel all those things.

Wish me luck for when the real party begins!  My next post might be introducing you to someone little.  Or it might be about brownies.  You never know.

Love Letter To My Wedding Ring

Dear Ring,

From the moment my eyes met your sparkly, sparkly diamonds, it was love.  Before you, there were only half-imagined dreams of half-imagined rings; after you, there was only blissful ignorance that any other rings existed.  You filled the baguette-shaped hole in my heart I never knew I had.

These days without you have been lonely.  Lonely like leaving my favorite sweatshirt at a friend's house; lonely like going to eat the last brownie only to remember I already ate it earlier.  My finger feels lost and naked, exposed to the cruel world without your 14 karat embrace.  Curse these prenatal knuckles!  A pox on these slightly fatter fingers!  For they force me to part with my sweet ice, my hard candy, my pavé-set ice rink.

But soon, soon we shall be together again.  You, with your gold re-whitened and your rocks polished.  Me, with my extremities cured of their water retention.  I promise to intend and then forget to take you off before I use lotion, and then I promise take you to the jeweler's to get cleaned bi-annually.  Or at least annually.  You know how it is.

'Til then, my beloved, know that I am feeling uncomfortable without you, and like I'm always forgetting something when leaving rooms.

With undying love and affection,

Me

Dos Diems

No, I am not flashing you the peace sign; we're not in Japan.

Two days left until my due date.  At the very most I have one week and two days left of my pregnancy before they'll want to induce me, which no matter how you computate it is not a lot of time.  I've been having irregular contractions since yesterday evening, but nothing to call home about.

I feel bittersweet about all this.

Just wanted you to know that.

39 diggity dang weeks

It's official: I am very pregnant.

My fingers, my toes, my bones, my muscles and ligaments and nerves, all they can talk about is how very, very pregnant I am.  I think they've been holding meetings without my knowing, cause they're all starting to do stuff together, in concert, like a really weird, kinda creepy bodily symphony.  My feet and hands have gradually started swelling - there was a traumatic night on Wednesday where Tony very nearly couldn't get my wedding ring off my finger, but finally did (ouch), which triggered my very first experience with actual contractions that hurt and everything.  (But then I went to sleep and they went away.) 

And my hips!  Oh, my hips.  My hips and back.  They'll need a vacation when this is done.

Other things that have changed:

- facial hair.  It's sad, but true.  What do I do?!

- my innie has officially become an outie, making my belly look like a giant boob if I'm wearing the right shirt.

- and yep, boobs.  2 cup sizes later and no one in this house is complaining.

Speaking of not complaining, I'm very grateful to have been pregnant through the winter and not the summer, but that doesn't make it easier to see all the cute spring lines of maternity clothes I won't be wearing.  Also, I am a fool for not having discovered the maternity section of H&M sooner.  Also also, nursing tank tops are my new best friend, but I will be very happy to just wear normal clothes again.  These stretchy-waist jeans have done me fine, but my inner fashion lover has cabin fever big time.  It's a rule that all brand new moms get to go shopping without having to justify any purchases to their husbands, right?

In other news, who needs a donut?  Me.  I do.  I was trying to get you to say me.

Easter Rant

This is not my most eloquent post ever.  In fact, it's probably one of my most jumbled and ranty.  But I had to get it out.

Maybe it's just me, but Easter has always been my least favorite holiday.

Okay, let me clarify: not Easter as in the Christ-believing population day of celebrating the Resurrection.  Obviously that's not my least favorite.  That's Most Favorite.  (Second Favorite is free cone day at Ben & Jerry's, maybe?)

No, it's the commercial part of Easter that I hate.  It, like most commercial holidays at least here in the USA, well they just don't make make no dang sense.  Tell me WHAT do dyed eggs and chocolate bunnies have to do with ANYTHING.  And all the pastels.  Which I understand are the accepted colors of spring, but the overloading of pastel colors at Easter instilled a loathing in me of pastels that I am only just rehabilitating myself from.

That, and uncomfortable dresses.  I do not understand why we celebrate Easter like we do.  Why, as kids, were we forced to wear the stupid, itchy, stiff "Easter outfits" to run around in the hot, sweaty grass in at the egg hunts?  WHY???  It's so aggravating to me!  It doesn't make any sense!  All my memories of the Easter holiday are needlessly negative; they're all posing for pictures while stuffed into a starchy dress and tights and shoes that hurt and curled hair, and then being driven to a field somewhere and made to run through the grass in that same outfit with a bunch of kids I don't know, competing for some reason to find a lot of eggs.  Eggs.  I just don't get it.  And, as every non-competitive person knows, being forced to compete when you're missing that gene is something short of torture.  Especially cause there are always really competitive kids who NEED ALL THE EGGS AND HAHAHA YOU'RE STUPID CAUSE I GOT THIS EGG FIRST.

And then, somewhere in the midst or the afterburn of all of that, we're told we need to think about Jesus, and I always ended up feeling disinterested or guilty because I was secretly in a bad mood from the dress and the egg hunt that I didn't want to think about Jesus and I didn't really understand why I was supposed to anyway.  Cause I was a kid.  To kids, "resurrection" is just a big word we hear in church a lot.

Of course, now that I'm older and understand things as an adult, I appreciate Jesus' resurrection as the most sacred thing ever, and I understand Easter as a special holiday.  But now there are two Easters, and the egg hunt one I think I could just abandon entirely and feel so much better about life.

When James is old enough to participate in holidays and Easter rolls around, I'm just going to let him go naked all day long.  And we'll have a perfectly relaxed and happy day, and eat all the candy because we all know I would never turn down a perfect excuse to eat a lot of candy, and we'll talk about Jesus as is appropriate to his understanding, and with hope he won't be needlessly aggravated like his poor mama.

There.  I feel better now.

James' Room Update Extravaganza

It's not really an extravaganza.  I didn't even bother editing these photos to make 'em prettier because really, they're just in-progress update shots.  In fact, they make me a little sad because his room still looks so unfinished, what with all the bare walls and lack of shelving and whatnot.

But they don't make me too sad, because it's still the best room in the house so far and I love the direction it's headed.  And I especially love that it's for my little rib-kicker who technically is allowed to pop out any time he wants.

Let's not get distracted.  Here's a look at the baby room so far.

Crib corner.  The balloon is from a baby shower which I tied onto the crib just for fun.  Tony said we should let it go outside the day he's born, which sounds perfectly whimsically cheesy to me. 

The Plan: to get sheets for the mattress (as it is bare), to get a bedskirt to hide my craft storage bins under the crib, to find a place for my sewing crap, to put things on the walls.

This is the corner to the left of the crib.  Sorry the picture's so dark; the lighting sucks big time in our house.  

Here's a brighter picture.  Nevermind the folded up stroller there to the left.  We, uh, don't know where to put that yet.

The Plan: make slipcovers for the chair cushions someday maybe, get a little bookshelf for the books,  get a little side table to go where the stroller is, put shelves and pictures on the walls, find better lighting solutions than the single boob light in the middle of the ceiling that is there now.

Here we have the area in front of the window to the right of the crib.  Again, sorry for the bad lighting.  Currently this is where my sewing desk and chair go, but this is where I want to put the aforementioned bookshelf, or maybe a toy chest.  See the curtains?  I hemmed 'em myself.

This is the corner across from the door when you walk in.  The crib would be behind you to the left.  This is the beautiful dresser my dad bought us, which we someday plan on stealing when James is too big to need a changing table.  Then he can have our crappier Ikea dresser.  I didn't take any detail shots, but I replaced the top row of knobs with some pretty brass Anthropologie ones I found at a thrift shop, and I plan to replace all the rest with coordinating knobs as I find them.

The Plan: fill the wall to the left with shelves for storage/display, put one big long shelf high up on the wall above the dresser, hang pictures on the wall directly above the dresser, find little baskets or organizer thingies to go on the right side of the dresser for diapers/wipes etc., get a cute little clothes hamper to go on the floor to the right where that bag is.

Another shot of the dresser.  It really is so pretty, I promise.

This is a big basket where I put all the things we've been given that don't have anywhere else to go at the moment.   Apparently babies need lots of things.

My sister-in-law made us a bunch of awesome stuff, like that cute fabric-covered diaper case there, and a changing mat, and a blanket, and fabric blocks, and pee-pee teepees (look them up, they're hilarious).  And they all coordinate, and they are all the most perfect colors and fabrics ever.  The cute little giraffe was his first toy from my mom and it sings the ABCs, but now the battery is dying so it sounds like Satan's giraffe.  Adorable.

Just some of the cute cards we've received.  Plus my dad's old lava lamp and a Darth Vader bobble head, because why not?

Here's those fabric blocks and ball I was telling you about.  They are the coolest.  Plus books and more stuffed animals.  Yes, that bear is missing an eye.  Only the best for my child!

Poorly-lit closeup of the matching blanket.  It's full of insanely soft fabrics and ridiculously adorable prints.  Thank you Sembur!

And lastly, a closeup of the paper star garlands I made, that keep falling off because they are only taped.

Okay so I lied; these pictures make me totally happy.  Like I've said before, I know this is all mostly for my benefit because James won't care that he has cute stars above his windows, but I love preparing for his arrival.  It's important to me to cultivate our space to be calm, comfortable, and clean so I can better take care of him. 

So that's that.  Tony is patiently waiting for me to stop blogging and go get started on something to feed our faces with.  Food, is what I'm saying.  It's dinner time, yo.

38 WEEKS

Today I have the energy level of a potted plant. 

There really isn't much of anything new to report.  Except lots of really sharp crampy pains at my thigh/hip ligament region.  I have no idea if that's normal or not.  According to the midwife my belly grows about an inch a week, but I haven't noticed getting any bigger.  Last night I woke up 3 times to pee which may have been a personal record. 

Also last night I spent the night at my mom's house, because we had a bit of a drainage problem with our plumbing, so we had to snake our pipes and then pour some vicious chemicals down the drains.  I don't think I've ever panicked so much as when I noticed our bathtub filling up with nasty black water when I ran the washing machine.

Also this morning we had an exterminator drop by to spray for ants and spiders, because our house was built in the mid-1940s and is apparently a really cool place to hang out in the bug world.  Last summer we had an infuriating ant problem in our kitchen, a repeat of which I've been dreading all year.  Especially with a baby coming, you know?  Hordes of ants is the last thing I want to deal with, so of course the first place they pop up this year?  In the baby's room.  Like, all over his crib and junk. 

Seriously, who do those ants think they are? 

So, with hope, the extermination will work and I won't have to wake up to a baby covered in bugs.

Little Girl and I had lunch with Tony today, and then we went fun shopping because I heard about this Almost Lipstick stuff by Clinique.  Have you heard of it?

It's sheer and lightweight, which is perfect for me because I hate wearing lipstick but I've been wanting some color.  I got it in Tender Honey, but I think I might go back for Black Honey someday for when I want to look even fancier.

Also, earrings.

Way too dangly for working with a 1-year-old, but sometimes you just need really glamorous earrings, you know?  Plus they were on sale.  So, that.

Anyway, I hope you are all having a lovely Spring day and that your pipes are flowing smoothly.