This should've been done on Monday, but, you know.
Because, baby, on Monday, I was 27 weeks pregnant with you. And yes, I watch all the baby shows on TLC when I'm at work.
I think to myself a lot these days, "Self, I like it that we're pregnant." I like it a lot. I tell my dear sweet husband how I think I'm going to miss being pregnant - always with the adendum that there's still 3 months to go and maybe I'll eat those words week 39.
Not that I'm not excited for you to be on the outside of my body, so I can see you and hear you and smell you and wrap you in blankets and snuggle with you, because oh my goodness I am! But I really love this time right now when you are closer to me than you ever will be again, and you are more protected than I will ever be able to make you again. I don't see myself as the Mama Bear type - at least not yet - but there is something satisfying about knowing that anything that happens to you must first happen to me.
So here's a few things I want to remember about 27 weeks:
- You move. You roll and nudge and spasm, but it's never frantic. The energy I feel from you is measured, thoughtful, quiet. Like your dad.
- I love feeling you move.
- You love kicking me in the bladder, but only when it's full.
- You stop moving as soon as someone pays attention to you. I don't even know how you know; all I do is look down to where you are, and you stop. I think you like to be alone. You are also like your dad in this.
- We have the most fun when we get to watch you push against the outside of my tummy, like an alien.
- I have the worst heartburn of my life.
- And back pain.
- I had a dream the other night that I gave birth to you, and you had a gigantic head, but the delivery was so easy. I didn't even push. I know it's not going to be like that, but it was a nice dream.
- But seriously, the dreams! I have the weirdest dreams now.
- I'm worried I'm ruining you for healthy food because all I want is sugar. I try to eat the good stuff too, but I can't stop thinking about glazed donuts.
- Our doctor visits are always smooth and perfect. I impress the midwife very much with my blood pressure, on account of all the approvingly raised eyebrows I get every time she takes it. You are measuring perfectly. I've gained 15 pounds.
- Grandma C got you your first toy: a stuffed giraffe that plays the ABCs, and I held it to my belly and you squirmed a little.
- Lately sometimes the first thing your dad says when he sees me after work is "Hey there prego!" which means I'm looking especially pregnant that day. It feels good to finally be obviously pregnant. No belly rubs from strangers yet, though (thankfully.)
- I just found out that I'm going to have to take more of an unpaid maternity leave than I was expecting, which was stressful. But there hasn't been too much stress otherwise. I'm trying to keep things pretty chill for you.
- Your cousin Ryan was born a few days ago. I hope you guys will be buds.
- I hope you like your room. It's very peaceful in there since we painted it, and sometimes I just stand in the middle of it with the light streaming in from the windows and feel calm and imagine everything ready for you. (The house is so not ready for you yet!)
- Dad and I talk about you all the time. We worry that you won't like us. We think it will be weird to have someone call us Mom and Dad, eventually. We know it will be stressful and exhausting having a baby waking us up all night, but I don't think we think about it too much because we know it will be unlike anything we expect anyway.
- We bought our first pack of diapers last week. Those bad boys are expensive!
- We really hope you're a good breastfeeder, because formula is ridiculously expensive.
- I can't believe how big you supposedly are right now. I still imagine you as a tiny little fetus sometimes. Your dad says he always pictures you as a toddler. I can't wait for you to be a toddler!
- Everybody loves you. You have no idea how loved you already are. At Christmas, your Chico family talked about you like you were already here. You will always have a lot of family, and I hope you grow up to love and appreciate them, because family is everything. Family is where it's at, little dude.
- (P.S. We really hope you are actually a boy.) (But we'll love you just the same if you turn out a lady.)
- I'm starting to get nervous about labor and delivery. My plan is for a drug-induced mostly painless experience, but I'm trying to prepare myself for when things don't go to plan. Just as long as we're healthy.
Well, I think that's a pretty exhaustive list. I want to remember everything. I'm so grateful to have had such an easy, smooth pregnancy so far; I know a lot of women don't get that blessing so I know I'm lucky. I'm also grateful for my totally easy-going husband, who has not freaked out even once and probably won't ever, who is happy and excited about being a dad, and who is supportive and sweet and loves my new big boobs. How can a girl be so lucky.