DREAMS

I had a dream last night that we had twins.  They were just born (our bishop delivered them via c-section, because in my dreams he's a doctor, apparently.)  They were so tiny, a boy and a girl, and we kept them on the floor by our couch under blankets.  I would pick one up and hold it to my chest, trying to make it feel safe and warm because it was crying, but the thing is no one else cared about these little crying things.  There were a lot of people around, family, but everyone seemed distracted by something else.  I was trying to process my own thoughts about everything.  You know, just having had babies and all.  I tried to explain how my belly kind of missed having them inside, how it felt a little lonely even though I could hold them in my arms.  But there was too much chaos and no one had time to listen.  People just seemed annoyed by it, and it made me sad.

Then I woke up, and was still sad, but glad that we're only having one. 

I don't know, maybe it was my subconscious telling me that my blog readers are sick of hearing about pregnancy junk. 

A few days ago I had another dream that our baby was born (just the one this time), and he was scared, and the only way I could make him feel better was to hold him snuggled into my chest upright.  And I had the thought that maybe he just doesn't like being upside down and that's why he's breech.  I can't really blame him.  I mean, do you like being upside down?  For months? 

I know I missed my 31 week post this week.  I briefly considered getting up just now to take a late belly picture but I've been kinda dizzy all morning so I think I'm just gonna sit here on the couch and not do that. 

Guys, I just really love this baby already.  I know hearing people gush about personal things they're going through gets old quick, but I can't contain myself.  Poor little dude's just here suddenly, relying on me to take care of him, and I know someday I'll get over it and we'll be a normal family, but right now it's just too much.

I think I need hot chocolate.