Thursday, August 26, 2010

Late Night Emo Rants

Burned through the last half of this book tonight:

Cried and felt intensely about it (maybe (probably) influenced by the death of my kitty today.)

Feeling an urge to take up the cello.  Really wishing we had a piano right now - and that we didn't have any shared walls.  Thirsty for some music, I'm listening to this powerfully beautiful lady:

I downloaded a Live Sessions release from iTunes and it's exactly what I needed tonight.  Listening to her makes me wish I were bluesy and played guitar and went on tour.

This is slightly unrelated.  I'm just gonna say it.  I've been fiercely needing some friendship lately.  The real kind.  Good girl talk, good deep talks, unspoken understanding and a different kind of love than the beautiful kind I share with my husband.  Since marriage all the friends I had have faded away.  I don't know if it's my fault or theirs - likely both.  Maybe neither.  I'm forgetting how to relate to people, forgetting what is socially normal and knowing I'm the one who's crippled.

I haven't wanted to rant about that anywhere to anyone for fear of sounding needy and knowing it just sounds horrible anyway.  People want life to be positive.  Sometimes I am not positive.

Just needed a little outlet, so thanks for letting me do that.  I promise not to let it happen too much.

Good night,


  1. Rant away babe! It's your blog, your outlet! ;-)

    Remember you are loved!

  2. Not needy - just real!

    I've had a lot of friendships semi-disintegrate lately, too. It's pretty sad, but I guess it's just a symptom of growing up.

    We should get together while I'm in town (Sept 13-21), listen to music, and catch up. :-) Rant and rave.

  3. Aw, I'm so sorry about your kitty! And I agree with the other comments, rant away! It's your blog and it's a great place to vent. I know you don't know me, but if you ever wanna send me an e-mail (or be pen pals!) I would love to hear from you.

  4. I feel the same, like I'm crippled socially. I haven't done much hanging out since high school, and I'm finding that I'm becoming increasingly awkward in social situations. (Speaking of which, if I seemed weird or, well, socially awkward to you, that is why. Nothing personal, I'm just weird :\ Hmmm, I sound cool.)
    Anyway, I would love to hang out with you more often. Us married chicks have to stick together ;)
    Hope you're day is going well!