Saturday, February 18, 2012

THE TORTURE BUN

Well since everyone seems content to pretend like this hairstyle isn't just the most torturous thing to do to a head, I feel the universe is telling me it's my duty to pose the question:

Who in the seven hells has a scalp that can withstand this?


Ladies and gentlemen, I assure you, there is nothing fun about this bun.  Not only does it look like a badly proportioned hair hat for a very strict schoolteacher, but it is the least fun thing to put on the top of your head.  Why are these models and hipster hair people trying to convince the world that hair doesn't weigh anything?  Have you ever had as much hair as is required to do this hairstyle?  Let me tell you: hair weighs a lot.  And let's be honest here.  Does anyone enjoy themselves when their hair is pulled that tight?

Maybe I'm a big baby.  IT'S POSSIBLE.  But I tried this once.  I pulled and gathered and combed all my miles of hair into a ponytail right smack on the top of my head like an idiotic troll doll, and then I twisted and wrapped and pinned it into some kind of bun shape.  And then I had a literal headache for the rest of my life. 

I am not fooled by you, fashion world.  Anyone who says they can wear this hairstyle for longer than it takes to insert the last bobby pin without going blind from the pain is either lying or is actually a robot bent on the destruction of reason.  Either way, they must be stopped.

2 comments:

  1. I laughed so hard during this post! Love it!

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  2. bahaha!

    ahhh you need to try the spin pins! I have some loooooooooong hair (although it's not thick, so maybe that's why it isn't so heavy?) and I wear my hair up in a bun all the time! When I sleep with it down I can sometimes choke myself (ha) or Keith will lay on it and pull it and man that hurts! But the spin pins are awesome!!! When I wear my hair up in a pony tail that can hurt... but I don't mind buns! I don't know how to put my hair up in a bun and just secure it with bobby pins... hahah that confuses me so much. Bobby pins & I don't really go well together. I think I must be one of the only girls who cannot figure out how to use them. I only use them to put my bangs back, ha. But even then I have to re-adjust them alllllllll the time.

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